Today is just one of those days.
I question the path that brought me here. Did I make a wrong turn somewhere along the way?
I wonder if I somehow took the reigns away from God, trying to steer my own vehicle to a place in which I thought I belonged.
All I am sure of, for today, at least, is that I have more questions than answers.
And that feeling of being abandoned is always so quick to return.
I started the day giving these feelings to God. He already knew I was struggling. I asked Him, instead, to fill me with peace. His peace. And reveal the plan. His plan.
And He asked me to believe His promises. He asked me to trust Him. Not myself, nor my talents, nor my networking abilities, nor my marketing techniques. He just said to leave all my questions there, with Him, and focus on what I already know about Him.
There comes a time in every relationship when you have to look only into the eyes of the other, ignoring the advice of others, and choose to go deeper with each other. No one else.
That's the beauty of living a life of abandon. It is difficult, at times. Lonely on most days, since my path was carved out for me alone. But when pressed to flee or trust Him enough to go deeper, I know to go deeper. That this is part of the journey that prepares me for whatever lies ahead. This is simply a season; my winter months, with their naked grayness, that seem to accomplish nothing.
My search for answers led me to the book of Romans, where Paul had some strong words for people like me, who were teetering between focusing on their doubts or clinging to their faith.
Romans 14:23...and everything that does not come from faith is sin.
I realize that my doubts come from my circumstances, but never from my God. As I look deep into those eyes, I see a slight twinkle, and trust that this journey, wherever it may be leading, will be worth it.
And for today, I choose faith.
What about you?